I haven't written in awhile and there are a few reasons for that, not the least of which is pure laziness.
So I guess for those of you who don't follow me on Twitter, or listen to me yammer on a regular basis (consider yourself lucky), you may not know that I have landed a new job recently.
I waited to speak publicly about it because I wanted to be sure that I loved it and it was going well first. I was a little gunshy because I spent about two months in my first stint in a "SQL DBA" job that turned out to be anything but that. I left that job so quickly that I felt silly about being publicly excited about it, and decided to be more cautious going forward.
This, however, isn't a SQL DBA position, or a SQL Developer position for that matter. I'm off in the world as a Solutions Engineer for a software company that produces performance monitoring and diagnostic solutions for SQL Server. I never thought I'd be in a Sales adjacent position like this, but that’s what can happen when you’re up for new adventures. One of the things that both scared and excited me about it was being forced to speak to people about SQL Server every day.
The truth is that I've always had this crushing sense of imposter syndrome that isn't going away anytime soon. That voice in the back of my head has held me back significantly from producing technical content both here and via the speaker circuit. When I sit down to produce anything for mass consumption, I go into an anxiety-fueled tailspin about the accuracy and delivery of every minute detail. I question: Is everything correct? Will I get a troll? Is this useful? Is it both technical and entertaining? Is someone way smarter than me going to read this and think I’m a total numpty? By that time, I’m exhausted and need a nap.
This position has forced me to get out of my head and out of my comfort zone. Sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed at everything there is to know about SQL Server because anyone could ask me a random question at any time, and I WANT to have all of the answers. While I’ve always been comfortable admitting when I don’t know something, I’m happy to see that overwhelming feeling is slowly going away. I find it fun to chase down questions that my prospects ask because it means that I’m learning and growing in my knowledgebase, and I’m not just some salesy robot lady with a script.
I had a turning point recently where I thought “maybe I really CAN do this thing” after completing my first pre-recorded webinar. I spent WAY too much time producing it, but I think it was the first big step for me in getting some content out in the world that isn’t just a written narrative. I mean… I love writing narratives, clearly, but I think at some point people might wonder what else that gif-loving weirdo on Twitter can do.
So look out for more things coming up if you’re curious. The creative juices are flowing, and nobody knows where this crazy train is going to end up.